Retraction

Ok, so in the post I deleted I was very upset with my dental insurance snafu and blamed the wrong person. The benefits lady we used to have wasn't the greatest and I assumed it was her fault. She actually did send in the information of my benefits upgrade to the insurance company - she just didn't follow up afterwards to make sure it processed correctly, and the insurance company made the mistake. I apologize.

Sunshine-y & Sh*t

I am having a good feelings day. I'm all sunshine-y. So if you are in a bad mood, just ignore this post. I am just feeling really connected to my hubby and my friends. I know I don't get to see you all very much, but I was really happy to be able to see Kate, Mike, Sarah, Jay, Sher & Shawn this weekend. It was all very chill - but exactly what I needed. And I'm amazed by the families that are being created in my circle of friends. It was very cool to meet little Mike and see another new family begin.

BS Friday

Today is Bullsh!t Friday. That is what me and my co-worker have deemed today. We have a half year, self-assessment due today. I am (obviously) procrastinating. Not only am I a terrible writer, I also suck at BS. And lets face it, that's all that self-assessments are.

The biggest problem I am having is - wtf am I supposed to write? (Once I get started on soemthing - I will be good to go.) I can not put my true career goal down in writing for my bosses to see. What is my true career goal, you ask? To work part time for full time pay. That is it. That is all I want out of my career. That is why I went to grad school. Every time someone asked me what my reasoning was for going back to school... that is what I wanted to tell them.

But no... I have to talk about all that I have accomplished so far this year and what I plan to accomplish for the second half of the year. I get to blabber about financial controls and customer service. I have to say good things about myself while all I really do is pat myself on the back each day just for making it into work and functioning.

It's Friday and all I really care about is that I get to go home and spend the weekend with Shawn and Logan. The rest of it all seems so insignificant.

Nothing to Say

I have nothing to blog about... yet I am blogging anyways!

Nothing is new. Same old, same old. Now that Amy and Eric's engagement party is over, I plan to spend the rest of the summer doing what ever I feel like when I feel like. This weekend, Shawn and I are going to try to start cleaning up the back yard around the firepit. We want to lay the slate we have around the fire pit, but as Shawn pointed out, that is going to be a lot of work. The ground is really lumpy and bumpy, so we will have to try to level it a bit first. Guess I will be getting out my metal rakey thing and using my arm muscles!! This is all assuming that it doesn't rain all weekend... I feel like we live in FL. WTF?

Everything Costs Too Much

So Frank and I were gifted with a free car. His folks just got a new Subaru and transferred the '99 Camry to us. Only, it's not really working out for us. It needs a little more work than we thought, and has a funky smell. (like dog and perfume mixed) I actually like my old Focus better. Which, in a way is good, cuz we put money into it last year and can run it into the ground if need be. But that leaves us with what to do with the Camry. Do his folks want it back? Do they want to sell it for $? Can we sell it for $? Are we going to totally insult his dad?

And now it's got us considering a new car, so we don't know if we should go out and look for one or just stick with the status quo. Status quo is cheaper right now, but we will need another car at some point. So should we wait? Cuz in the near future we are also going to have a baby. So then we'll have car payments and childcare. Oh, yeah, and I'm getting braces. I'm sick of my teeth not lining up and my jaw popping. So that's gonna be about a year and a half and $6000.

The cost of this car is so much more than "free"...

On Being a Baby Momma

I am having a rough day today. I got up late, dawdled with feeding Logan and putting away his clean clothes, showering and getting to work... I didn't make it until 10. Yuck. Now I am disappointed in myself. Disappointed and stressed out about not being able to do better. How do other women do it? How do they make it to work ON TIME everyday, work eight hours and then head home to feed baby and complete household chores?

I struggle daily trying to squeeze everything in. Getting to work, going grocery shopping, getting gas, buying clothes as needed for me, Shawn, and Logan. I am trying to jog and get in shape... and every once in a while, I like to eat dinner. (you know, something other than mac 'n' cheese or sammiches)

I don't feel like I get to spend enough time with Logan. I always feel like I am rushing everywhere to get errands done, which leaves me feeling frassled. I would like to jog four or five times a week, but can only manage three. The house has crossed the line from untidy to down right dirty. And emotionally, I have spent the last week feeling like I am on the verge of tears.

Sorry - Jeannine - please don't be scared of having babies. Logan has brought me a tremendous amount of joy but DAMN I really wish I could work some days from home. I wish I could afford to pay someone to clean my house. I wish I had time each day to relax.

Speaking of babies...

Excited for Kate....

I can't wait to get the news that Kate & Mike are parents. I've been searching Facebook for updates all weekend. I need to give Mike a call. I'm very eager to meet the new little guy and for Kate to feel better - tired & cranky, yes, but not huge and uncomfortable.

JEANS

I am fitting, not too comfortably, but not too uncomfortably, into my bigger skinny jeans. My skinny-skinny jeans are still too little...but...I am getting there...
It is not as easy as it used to be.

I'm not going to make it... ZZzzz...

I would just like to take this opportunity to WHINE a little... I am so FREAKING tired.

First things first - 4th of July weekend was AWESOME. I was able to get chores done around the house on Friday with Logan while Shawn helped Jay move. Saturday we went up to the lake. The weekend was glorious and we even got Logan into the lake on Sunday. He did SO well! (pitures to follow)

Ok - now for the whining. Monday night was our first Wickham park run. I actually didn't do TOO bad (even though I was very last). But I have been SO sore ever since. I took some percocet last night, thinking it would knock me out and take the edge of of my entire aching body, sore muscles, achy joints, etc. Well... I felt good for a little while... But we are trying to wean Logan off of his middle of the night bottle. I know this will be great when he is sleeping through the night, but right now it is a little hard trying to help him learn to fall asleep on his own. I went in at one point last night and he was hugging his teddy bear... it was the darn cutest thing I ever saw!

Anyways... I am sore, achy, tired, and I don't feel like getting up to make myself coffee - but I could really use the caffiene.

Thank you... I am done now.

Happy Fourth!

Hi Girls,

I hope everyone enjoyed the amazingly non-rainy weekend weather. I loved the weekend. I spent a lot of Friday and Saturday cleaning the house, but it was nice to do with all the windows open and it really needed it. Saturday night we had some people over to hang out around the fire pit - first of the season - and stayed up late. Sunday the whole family was over just munching and running around the backyard. I was so happy Jer & Aiden came over. Nicole wasn't feeling well, so we sent some chocolate cake home with Jer to cheer her up.

Yay for Harley's and Lakes and Fire Pits!

Speaking of Dreams...

I was having weird dreams last night... one included Logan - he had learned to walk. It was sort of a creepy dream. But anyways - the dream that really got me was one with tornados. There were tornados everywhere. I was outside (it was my house - but it wasn't = know what I mean?) and Connie was outside. I think she had a hold of Logan... or maybe it was RJ? But I was like - "we have to go inside NOW!" and as I looked around, there were tornados EVERYWHERE. Then when we got inside - I didn't know where was the safest place to be.

So, I google dream interpretations and looked up tornados... I found many different definitions. The first one described being caught in a tornado vs. seeing a tornado vs. multiple...

"To see several tornadoes in your dream, represent people around you who are prone to violent outbursts and shifting mood swings. It may also symbolize a volatile situation or relationship."

The next web site said: "If you dream that ... you are in danger from a tornado, then you will find all your well laid business plans come to naught and failure will dog your footsteps until you do something to change your chances of success; more education, better training or so forth."

Then: "An overwhelming or destructive situation in real life, most likely out of the dreamer's control. A feeling or fear of being taken advantage of or victimized, especially suddenly or in an unpredictable way"

And lastly (my favorite) when I typed in the keyword 'tornado', I got this:

Tornado
(See Armageddon)


So no matter which one you pick... it doesn't sound good...

Stuff and things

First, I have to say that hanging out at Jay's house Tuesday night was fantastic. Watching a close thunderstorm from the Gazebo...I am a big fan :) The house is big. I have house envy ;)

Second, I had a dream last night that I found a red dress...and ordered it, and the wrong one came in. Then, the wedding was fast approaching, so I ordered another one, and it came in the day OF the wedding, and was NOT even a wedding dress!!! I was SO horrified and SO upset that I could NOT wear my red dress that I did not want to wear a wedding dress at all. I'm thinking...that that means...I am leaning towards the red dress for sure. I was unsure after trying on some beautiful ivory/white ones. And really my only fear was not feeling like a "bride," but I AM the bride, i will FEEL like the bride, and i will feel pretty.

:)

And third, I am looking forward to taking off on the Harley this weekend with no major plans. It will be soo...awesome. I hope everyone else has an awesome weekend planned!

Okay, ta ta for now.

Thunder, Lightening, and a Jacuzzi

I just want you all to know... that even if there is thunder and lightening tomorrow evening - I will still be sitting in Connie's jacuzzi.

That is all.

Thank you.

What do you guys think?

I'm on the look out for a red gown, and probably not going to find one. I spoke with a woman at one shop (after calling several who do not carry them) who was very nice and up front with me. She said each dress is an investment for the boutique, and though they can order one, they wouldn't carry one because it probably wouldn't sell. Which makes a lot of sense. But now, I am not sure what to do. I can maybe find a big red formal dress that's not a wedding gown to try on and see how I feel in it??? I felt so pretty in some of the off-white and white dresses that...it's definitely going to be a tough choice to make.

hmmmm....

The Honeymoon's Over...

But not in that way. Frankie and I are still in love and getting along. It's just that we're back to CT, back to work, and back to routine. Which, by the way, is not so bad. It's nice to be home again and I can't wait to see everyone. I hope you all had a good time while we were away - I think Aim & Sher went to the lake, which must always be good, even with crummy weather.

We had my family over on Saturday for a cookout, and of course it started raining just as all the burgers were cooked and we sat down to eat. Figures. Sunday we went couch shopping (we finally ordered one!) and then to Frank's parents' house for Fathers Day. Baked chicken, potatoes, gravy, brocolli, and cake, YUM. So we told the fams all about the trip and had a relaxing weekend.

I think this coming weekend we're having a girlie day? I need to call Connie...

A shift in priorities

How ironic. Sometimes I think of things at very – appropriate - times.

I’ve been in my current position for three years, I love it. I love the company, my coworkers, the work I do, the successes I have amassed, and the experience and experiences I have gained.

In the last year, my life has gone through a bit of a redesign. I have found companionship, love and joy and have started planning a wedding. With that comes the comfort that I have a constant anchor, a point of reference from which I will view the rest of my life. It sounds like something that might unnerve some people, in particular the younger me. However, without a center, I tend to float away from those I care about, and lose sight of the person I strive to become.

Having found my anchor, the one who will enjoy life along side me, I feel freed from uncertainty and able to explore what other desires in my life I can consider fulfilling. As long as those desires benefit my life and my family, I feel I can investigate a professional shift that will tie more closely to my personal satisfaction, capitalizing even more on my personal strengths.

The thoughts I recently had were geared towards entrepreneurialship. I’d love to own a pub, a place where I could both work and relax. Though I do consider drinking beer one of my personal strengths, I’m leaning towards the thinking that restaurant/bar ownership is out of my league, and while providing a great hangout for me and my friends, I would be exposed to the very challenging and stressful side of a business in the food and beverage industry. Not quite what I am going for.

So I mentioned to Sherri one day that would like to own a business and asked her what kind of business I should start? She supplied a list of activities she knows I am interested in and suggested I start with something I enjoy. Among the activities was fitness. I played sports in high school and try to lead a physically active life, though I have some down falls in the eating and drinking category.

I was thinking about what the benefits and drawbacks would be of becoming a personal trainer. And what I could do with my certification. One train of thought headed directly towards owning a spa/studio someday to get Mom’s back in fighting form, physically and aesthetically.

To get there, I would go to school to receive training and become certified. Begin working part-time at a gym or health club while working full time where I am, and take it from there. Whether I stick with a gym or head out on my own with my own book of clients, I hope that someday, I could help moms who recognize the positive mental and physical affects of being fit, but who have little time and drive to get there.

Pullin' the Rip Cord

I have discovered that being a working mom is very hard. It is hard to cram everything I need and want to do into each day. Eating healthy and exercising has fallen to the side and I have been grabbing what is convenient and comforting for dinner (bad Sherri!). Needless to say - I have gained a few lbs. I know, not because I have weighed myself (which I haven't) but because my clothes are snug. Not so snug that they don't fit, but snug enough to remind me through out the day that it is time to back away from the munchie-snacks-alcohol-cheese-covered-god-knows-what-that-was-I-just-ate crap.

To be quite honest, right now exercising and losing weight is just NOT a priority. I am focused on getting to work everyday, keeping the dishes and laundry clean, and spending as much time as I can with Logan. I have realized that I am comfortable in my body. I love myself - I enjoy picking out clothes that look nice even on my over-weight body. I am just not going to beat myself up and force myself into losing weight right now jsut because I am "supposed to"...

With that being said... I also DO NOT WANT TO PULL THE RIP CORD. At the VERY LEAST, I would like to maintain... So I am backing off a bit (not totally!) from the yummy goodies. I should maybe not have a drink EVERY day. And I think I am going to pick just ONE thing to focus on: my abs.

I am going to JUST focus on doing some ab work. Like I have done with things before, I will give it six weeks and if I don't notice a difference, I will quit!! (the secret being - I have never done anything for six weeks and NOT noticed a difference, but it feels good to give myself an "out".)

That is my plan...

A perfect day for a wedding

The weather is going to be nearly 80 degrees, dry and sunny. Sounds like a perfect day for a wedding to me. Though I can't imagine all the excitement the bride and groom are feeling right now, I know it will be a gorgeous day, and a gorgeous wedding. Tee hee! I can't wait! Okay...now I have to go get ready :)

GOOD LUCK JEANNINE!

Today is as Good a Day as Any!

As I left my work today
I saw him sitting on the ground
No words to me did he say
Just stood and looked around

He looked a little bit dazed
And even more confused
He thought his mother must be crazed
To make him feel so abused

He was sitting very happily
He was feeling quite content
Until she pushed him from the tree
Without any sentiment

The ground rose up to meet him
Was it time to say good-bye?
His future began to look quite dim
He thought he might begin to cry

He made it to the ground just fine
He made it in one piece
His mom said, "Son of mine
You must try this again for me

As now the time has come, you see
There is none better than today
To learn to glide and soar so free
It's time for you to fly away!"